The Old Ladies with Mystic Powers Club

(Agnes is a character I created to be the personification of my OCD)

When I imagine Agnes’s daily going-on, it’s usually filled with her looking high and low for her reading spectacles so that she can enjoy her favourite mystery magazine issues. She reads them in suspense with many audible oohs and aahs at every page turn.

As she rifles through her drawers, often dumping out the contents onto the floor, she then puts the empty drawer back into its place and shuffles through the clutter. Some may call this a mess, but they would be wrong. To Agnes, this is effective mathematics; she now knows exactly where her lost item is not and the ever-growing section of the floor that it most likely is. This is simple subtraction.

~

Counting has become an important obsession for calming my OCD.

If you have three dots in a line, you have one dot on either side of the centre dot. This is even; this is good, I will count in my head.

If you have five dots in a line, there are two dots on either side of the centre dot. This is also even. This is good.

I repeat this process until I feel calmer.

~

Every Tuesday is perhaps the most important routine of them all. That is the weekly get-together for The Old Ladies with Mystic Powers Club at the neighbourhood’s Ravenwood Lodge. Their meetings consist of apple fritter eating, gossip sharing, tea drinking and, of course, horoscope readings.

Agnes is their appointed leader. Her duties involve distracting the front desk supervisor so that the gals can heat up their apple fritters using the microwave, which she is banned from using due to past occurrences of accidentally starting small fires in the commissary. If you were to ask her about it, she would swear it is not her fault. How was she supposed to know that thin plastic wrappers were getting in between her and her delicious treat and that they were extremely flammable? They should put a warning label on the package!

Each of the members of The Old Ladies with Mystic Powers Club has their specific talents. Agnes’s talent is fortune-telling. Her predictions aren’t always accurate, but this doesn’t stop her from sharing her two cents on the subject. She loves reading tea leaves but despises palm readings due to the emphasis on it having to be done best with physical contact.

~

Hand washing and the avoidance of touching items that are ‘unsafe’ are one of the most prominent compulsions I face everyday.

My OCD tells me that items such as public door handles are covered in germs.

When I touch one of these ‘unsafe’ items, I can feel the germs crawling all over my arms and burrowing into my skin.

I will wash my hands repeatedly until the crawling sensation lessens and then I will change my clothes just to be safe that all the germs are removed.

~

When you join The Old Ladies with Mystic Powers Club, you are presented with a small booklet. This booklet is a guidebook written by Agnes filled with mystical tips and tricks for avoiding all of life’s obstacles.

Her favourite chapter is “Certain Teas for Life’s Uncertainties,” which details the practical uses of tea readings and their modern interpretations.

It also details a very strict dress code to be followed. Stating which clothing items are suited for various occasions and events. Emphasis is placed on the adherence to these rules so that it will attract positive outcomes and avoid harm.

~

Intrusive thoughts are the most distressing part of the disorder.

When I get dressed in the morning, everything is taken into account and predetermined. I run though the days tasks and prepare responses in my head, carefully weeding out any chances for the unknown to happen. Scenarios and images flash through my mind on rotation, they influence every decision I make.

‘If I match that shirt with that pair of pants, that is unlucky and bad things could happen. And bad things are not good. Good is even.’ I’ll say in my head before playing it safe and matching the same outfits together.

~

Agnes closes all the meetings with The Old Ladies with Mystic Powers Club by thanking everyone for their attendance and input.

My relationship with Agnes has not always been great; often, I am overwhelmed by her constant concerns, and she can be demanding my attention, making it hard to go about my day.

But now I take a note from Agnes and the old ladies with mystic powers and when she makes predictions of the dangers and things she thinks I should be fearful of, I thank her for her hard work and brining that concern to my attention. She’s always trying to keep me safe and is my voice when I am scared.